You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
