I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i will never coherently bang her
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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