someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
