She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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