I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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