Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
