then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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