There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
