If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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