I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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