just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
