You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
