Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize