I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
