my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
