i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
