The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Randomize
