Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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