I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
