Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize