Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
