Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
