Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
