i don't like sucking hair
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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