i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize