all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
