did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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