I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We left the knife in your bed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
