peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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