im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
