You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
