her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
being pregnant is like rehab
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
