I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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