He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Semen is not good for contacts.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
