so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
