I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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