Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
