I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
