Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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