I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
