Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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