No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
