her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
