cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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