So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
