Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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