Swine flu. Run for my life!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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