Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
