who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
