Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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