I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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