I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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