I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
