I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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