this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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