Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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