I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
