Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
