Where is the hickey?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize