She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
