I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
