No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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