yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
