there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
