His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry about my life...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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