Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
