At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
