you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
