Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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