Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
