he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
