sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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