I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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